When God said he'd send things to test your faith, He wasn't kidding

I know that the WBC is the primary source of Internet lulz these days, with youtube poops and other nonsense being created from footage of Mr. Phelps’s “WBC News” (which is nothing but calling people names and taking verses out of context, along with a nice layer of fagbashing), but has anyone ever taken a good look at his church’s material? It wouldn’t be logical to anyone that fags are the reason for all the world’s problems, would it? Would it?

With that cliché comparison out of the way, let’s look at their webpage, http://www.godhatesamerica.com/. this should be fun! not only is the webpage design from 1998, but the images look as if they were created in 5 minutes with MSPaint. Let’s begin!

Thank God for the NIU Massacre! They are in Hell!!! LORD willing we will preach the funerals!

Okie-dokie.

Not a way to win friends by turning the knife whilst you stab them, Fred. Taking a random bad event and pinning it on God’s wrath is just as absurd as explaining everything in the universe is in god’s will. Dominoes fall down! God wills it! Towers fall! God wills it! Fred, just between you and me, You and Taleban are like THIS, man! you should invite Osama over for a party sometime.

There are no “innocents”.

This part really picks on me like a bird on a hippopotamus. you know it’s stupid, but you have to wonder if it’s true or not- Or, I can be 100% rational, and say that no one in that building deserved to have a bullet through the chest, or anywhere else for that matter. How does this man breathe without coughing and damning each molecule to Hell?

For years WBC has warned you that the time is coming when you will daily, even hourly, have to face these kinds of events.

In the form of annoying the shit out of the families with funeral pickets, right? Protesting may help bring some things to light, but make sure you have something that makes some damn sense before you go out there picketing. We know your message, a message that was originally created for Jews in the desert.

You have scoffed at us, mocked us, and even passed laws trying to silence that message.

To be honest, Fred, I don’t remember saying a damn thing about you until you protested a local funeral with your neon-sign bullshit. A little hint: We are not silencing “that message”, we’re silencing noise in the first place! Have you any respect for the dead, Fred?

And now, you reap what you have sown.

Couldn’t be arsed to come up with your own metaphor, Fred? How about all the evil seeds you sow every week when you picket the “Jew church” near your hometown because their ancestors might have crucified Jesus Christ? What kind of ignorant shit is that? If you don’t believe me, just read their picket schedule:

http://www.godhatesfags.com/schedule.html

Your hearts have been hardened and your eyes blinded to the truth (John 12:40) by a Just God.

Oh boy. Let’s look up this verse, shall we?

“He hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their heart; that they should not see with their eyes, nor understand with their heart, and be converted, and I should heal them. “

Hooray for taking things out of context! it turns out that these verses make sense when viewed in context, which is, Jesus foretelling his own death, and how God was to make it happen. However, the WBC makes it sound as if God is doing this now, with no scripture to back it up! Nice brainwashing there, Fred. Teach me someday.

We warn you again, because it is the only loving thing we can do, that unless you cease your idolatry, your persecution of WBC, and your love of Sodomy, only more and worse can be expected.

Idolatry to what exactly? Materialism? the Country? South America? Yeah, it’d be great if people didn’t worship the golf course every Sunday but if you’re preaching to that crowd, picket there instead. Persecution? Well, I wouldn’t call it Persecution, but Fascination. Your church is like a blast from the past. It’s fun to watch and learn how people live in their own Puritan fort with no outside influences but in the form of hateful pickets. And the occasional trip to Fag Wal-Mart. Sodomy? How do you define sodomy in the first place? “unnatural” sexual acts? like what? holding hands? tell me Fred, did you ever stop to realize that you are against everything that isn’t YOU? The more and more I look at your sermons, your pickets, your flyers, it’s all coming back to this:

“waaah someone bombed my house so god must kill you all”

That’s wonderful and all, Fred, but the failed stink bombing from 17 year old pranksters and the occasionall egging of your house should not invoke god’s wrath. Unless you think it does. Then he should bring a storm to wash the egg off your house. He might even fling a few tornadoes at some fags for you while he’s at it.

More and more of you will die at the hands of shooters sent by God.

WHOA!!!!11

Back the fuckin’ bus up! Did I just read “Shooters sent by God?” I’m sure they’ll be in Paradise with Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris as well? How about all those suicide bombers sent by God?Are they partying hard with Jesus? Hell must be absent of real evildoers but only filled with fags!

By freak, killer storms that you cannot explain, and in ways you have not yet imagined.

By God, it’s brilliant! It’s not the smog, the pollution, the global climate change, OR the greenhouse effect that’s causing such killer storm systems! It’s FAGS! HOLY SHIT! Let’s map that out in a mathematical equation:

BUTTSEX=CATACLYSMIC DISASTER

I’m so glad we got that figured out. Al Gore was wrong all along!

Hear the Word of the LORD, America. Thank God for His Justice. Amen.

How dare you.

You cannot ignore your duty to God and not pay the ultimate price for it i.e., eternity in hell. The NIU dead know that now, and they wish you would listen to our message to avoid the same punishment (Luke 16:27-28).

Well. They do? Regardless of the fact that at least two of the victims were born-again Christians, active in Youth programs, and Charity? Dan Parmenter was one of those people. Of course, to you, Fred, he’s burning in Hell because he wasn’t able to be a part of the Phelps’s clan.

Also, Props for taking yet more verses out of Context! The Context is a story about charity! Amazing! just what Dan Parmenter did! But he’s in Hell right? Oh, I can’t tell!

“Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you (Jas 5:1).

I think you overestimate the income of an average University student. Ever heard of Cup Noodle? You only eat that when you’re dirt poor. We University Students know it well.

“Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming: it stirreth up the dead for thee, even all the chief ones of the earth; it hath raised up from their thrones all the kings of the nations” (Isa 14:9).

Nut. the context of this one is just as the verse says: Hell shimmies for no man. unless you’re a fag, I suppose. Then it’s just a white-hot iron dildo up the ass for all eternity. I’m sure that’s in there somewhere.

Then they give a link to their songs which are ripoffs of popular tunes with new lyrics to fit their message of hate.

It is plain to the servants of God, that America is taking a blood bath in Iraq because America is busily persecuting WBC for preaching the Word of God to this evil nation of perverts. God hates America. Her end is near, and approaching fast.

Fred, I gotta love your Ego. You actually think that God would kill hundreds of innocent people unrelated to you or your oppressors because of a few lawsuits and city ordinances? I’d hate to find out what happens if you get a Parking Ticket.

For 16 years we have warned you—on a daily basis, on the streets of some 460 cities in all 50 states: America needs the message of Westboro Baptist Church—“God Hates Fags (and ramifications thereof)”—more than she needs air to breathe, food to eat, and water to drink.

I honestly laughed at this for four straight minutes. There’s no funny comment I can tack on to this shit, it’s solid gold.

Meanwhile, America finalized the deal whereby she sold her soul to the sodomites—following the example of Sodom, the seven nations of the Canaanites, ancient Israel, and all the doomed empires of the past. Nor is there any possibility of relief, because sodomites—by definition—are incapable of repenting, because they’re proud of their sin—will not even admit it’s a sin—and are therefore wholly given up by God.

I kinda missed out on that transaction. Is he talking about the UN? NAFTA? France? Hell if I know.

Ancient Israel ignored God’s warning about following the perversions of the doomed sodomite Canaanites—and Israel also perished. That warning is found at Lev. 18:24-28; to wit: “Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things (sodomy, incest, adultery, bestiality); for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you...That the land spue not you out also, when ye defile it, as it spued out the nations that were before you.” Even as God today—through Westboro Baptist Church—warns America.

Adam and Eve is in HELL!!!1 NOAH’S SONS ARE IN HELL! PRAISE GOD!

And, as Christ warned doomed Jerusalem, even so WBC—warns doomed America: “O America, America, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee (translate: thou that persecutest WBC), how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.” Matt. 23:37-38.

Oh, get over it already. Your plight for attention has failed, and will continue to fail. I’m sure I’m “persecuting”you by writing this paragraph, but it’s just my opinion from a person who’s studied the Bible all his life and found absolutely nothing you preach on a daily basis.

That’s all of the front page. wow. that was a lot of garbage. just wait until I get to their blog section.